11 Not-So-Happy Implications From Once Upon A Time
by JadedAngelisRising
Summary: A crack fic parody collection of 11 One-Shots from this list:
1. Chapter 1

_**{A/N: So, I'm starting, yet another! New story, fear not, I'm still working on my other two, (or three, or four, depending on what site you're reading this on) However, I've fallen in love with the TV show "Once Upon A Time." And last night, I found this somewhat funny, somewhat horrifying (if you're a girl that is) list based on OUAT. It's called "11 Not-So-Happy Implications From Once Upon A Time." (Here's the link to the list. . **__**) This will be broken down into 11 one-shots, and posted as a whole story together, even though they hardly ever (if at all) connect together. And #11 (Because it's always fun to work from the bottom up) is the first! I'm sorry for this incredibly long author's note!**_

_**DISCLAIMER: I am in no way intending copyright infringement with these pieces of work, I only wish to bring laughs and entertainment. I do NOT own "Once Upon A Time" if I did, all the things on this list... Would be in the show and it would basically be nothing but Snow/Charming! Nor do I own the list these one-shots are based off of! **_

**#11 "Emma Took Her Grandmother's Lover."**

**"Regina is Emma's grandmother by marriage, which is strange enough all by itself but when you add the fact that Graham [Regina's lover] and Emma have the hots for each other, it makes the whole scenario worthy of an episode of Maury.**

**Maybe it's for the best that Graham is gone. It would avoid any future Maury moments."**

**Emma'sPOV**

**I almost screwed my grandmother's lover! Sure, Graham was my age, and didn't seem the slightest bit interested in my wicked step-grandmother Regina at all. **

**At least, not in Storybrooke that is. Still though, it made my skin crawl to think about it now.**

**Graham, and I, we had this "flirtationship" if you could even call it that. I thought I loved him, and we would flirt like stupid school kids. We kissed a couple times, and we both thought we had this great thing going on. **

**At least until Graham died that is, up until that point everything seemed good, except for the burning thought in the back of my mind that he was Regina's first! **

**When the curse was first broken and everyone regained their memories, Regina -having to play along that she too had just gotten her's back.-**

**Had in all the commotion of everyone finding each other again, -including a VERY scarring make out session by Snow and Charming- rounded on me and began to speak in a low and menacing voice**

**"You know Sheriff Swan, if you had wanted someone older, you could have just gone after all the other men in town. Why him!? He was mine!"**

**I didn't know what to say, I knew she'd had her memories this whole time. I hadn't though, at the time known that Graham was "hers."**

**It took everything in me not to throw up, right there in front of the whole town, all over Regina's brand new heels.**

**"Excuse me?" I was pale, I knew that, I must have also been a slightly disturbing shade of "green" -like when someone says you look green just before you throw up.-**

**"You heard me, Graham was mine, and it's your fault he's dead." Last time I checked I hadn't been the specific cause for Graham's death.**

**At this point, all these thoughts were swirling around in my head, and Regina was just glaring at me. **

**I tossed out the idea of not throwing up on her shoes, as the same thought kept hitting me again and again.**

**'I almost had sex, with Regina's lover." **

**The horrified look on Regina's face was well worth it, once I was able to lift my head again. **

**I saw Snow, Charming and Ruby -who I now knew was Red- standing a few feet away with shocked looks on their faces.**

**I wiped my mouth slightly, on the sleeve of my jacket and took it off.**

**"Uhh, I'm sorry?" It was insincere and Regina and I both knew it.**

**Her answering glare, was one I expected. As I walked slowly away, with a disgusted look on my face.**

**Mumbling 'Damn it Graham, this is your fault!'**

_**{A/N: Alright, so that was the first of 11 one-shot's in this series! I'm sorry this one was so short! I had no ideas for this one. I do for the other 10 I promise they'll be good! What did you think? Good huh? Or no? Either way, they're all gonna kinda be crack fics! Anyway, don't forget to take the poll for my other story! And Reviews/Comments are love! Love ya, ~Jaded/V}**_


	2. Chapter 2: I'm watching you

_{A/N: Chapter 2 of the "List" One-shots. I hope you enjoy! Love ya, ~Jaded/V}_

_DISCLAIMER: I am in no way intending copyright infringement with these pieces of work, I only wish to bring laughs and entertainment. I do NOT own "Once Upon A Time" if I did, all the things on this list... Would be in the show and it would basically be nothing but Snow/Charming! Nor do I own the list these one-shots are based off of!_

The prompt for this one is:

"#10 The Evil Queen is Watching  
The Evil Queen has her very own, personal, all-seeing Eye of Sauron.

It seems as if the Evil Queen's Magic Mirror can and does channel itself through any mirror, enabling The Evil Queen to see whomever and wherever she wishes. Let the implications of that sink in for a bit.

I'm watching you..."

Regina'sPOV

Standing in front of my mirror, I was bored and spying on the inhabitants of Storybrooke.

The usual boring things were happening, but with the curse breaking, I was finding more and more interesting things to watch.

Watching my magic mirror channel through every mirror in the city I sighed as it flicked through.

"Rumple, Henry, that Swan bitch."

It kept going on like this for a while, boring person after boring person.

"Ruby, Lexi (Red and Belle), Charming and Snow fucking", it cycled through a few more mirrors before my eyes went wide and I ordered it to go back.

"So, they've found each other then." I hadn't been with all the others when the curse lifted.

The black and purple fog kept me inside, fully aware that once the curse broke and after all the celebration.

They would come after me, so I had locked myself away in my house, killing time with my mirror.

And that was where I stayed for the rest of the night. For the most part, I spied on Snow and Charming's "reunion."

It was sickeningly sweet, watching the way they seemed to perfectly communicate with just their bodies.

Yet, it was one of those things you just can't look away from. Amidst the random moans and grunts, slightly loud.

"God Snow!" Or a stuttered barely there "C-Charming!" Could be heard, and it made me gag.

"What is wrong with these people!?" This was the rampant thought that kept returning, then I wondered.

'What the hell is wrong with me for watching?' I never would find the answer.

I watched Snow and Charming, in their blissfully unaware state.

They seemed to go on for hours, I decided eventually to flip between them and Henry, who was with Emma.

"Hey mom-" This brought me up short, and had tears forming in my eyes.

Since when did Henry call her mom? "Yeah Kid?" I scoffed at her blatant disregard for his actual name, she was always just calling him "kid."

I didn't want to see their conversation any further, so I flipped back to Snow and Charming.

Just in time to see Snow arching up off of Charming's chest, it was obvious she was fighting hard to keep quiet.

Yet, a slightly too loud "Fuck! Charming!" Escapes her as she pants for breath.

No matter how hard I try, the smirk that forms on my face won't go away.

As Charming soon joins Snow in orgasmic bliss, with a clearly undisguised and very loud.

"Damn Snow!" I had never pegged these two as users of foul language.

But I suppose, in times like these, even the most saintly people -like Mary Margaret.-

Were prone to unusual behaviors and mannerisms.

As the two of them came down off their "highs," they settled with Snow atop Charming.

Bodies still heaving to catch their breath, and panting hard, still groping each other, feeling every inch of the other.

I realized, then, that indeed twenty-eight years was a long time to not be with anyone in that way.

I almost -very briefly- felt bad for doing this to them. And for Emma, who for all intents and purposes could have been raised.

By the very people I'm now watching, if I hadn't been such a bitch.

I quickly erased all guilty thoughts from my mind, they deserved what had happened.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts, and continued watching the Charmings.

They were indeed a cute couple, yet my disdain for Snow White, kept me from truly seeing anything good about them.

"Can you believe she's with us again?" Snow -who had regained her ability to speak.-

Was now starting up a discussion with Charming. -About Emma of all people!- Just after having sex!

"No, I mean, just two hours ago we were Mary-Margaret and David. Now we're Snow and Charming again-"

"-Just wrapping my head around that is hard, but when you add the fact that, the beautiful blonde haired green eyed, twenty-eight year old-"

"-Is the baby we had to give up, what seems like just yesterday... I can't begin to comprehend it."

Rolling my eyes, I tried to decide if I really wanted to hear all this.

I could see Snow nodding along in agreement with Charming.

And I was getting bored by now, that's when I saw Snow smirk.

Turning towards the mirror in their room, she gave a mischievous laugh before saying.

"I hope you enjoyed the show Regina! We knew you were there."

I fell out of my chair shocked, how had they seen me, while they were... Umm "busy"?

All I managed to mumble back before Snow and Charming dissolved into an uproar of laughter was.

"I meant to do that!"

_{A/N: Alright! This was chapter two! Two chapters in one day!? This is madness! Well you just might get a third today! I hope you liked it. Love ya ~Jaded/V}_


	3. Chapter 3: Insects!

_{A/N: Chapter 3 of the "List" one-shots! I hope you like it! Love ya, ~Jaded/V}_

_"The prompt for this one is: #9 Geppetto Was Raised By An Insect  
Geppetto's parents are dead thanks to Jiminy and his parents. We haven't been shown who, if anyone, took Geppetto in after he was orphaned. But we can assume that Jiminy Cricket found him and became a big part of his childhood. Jiminy Cricket may have been the closest thing to a parent Geppetto knew since the death of his own. Some of you might be saying, "What's the big deal? It was Jiminy Cricket. He's a good guy." Sure, it was Jiminy Cricket—and despite his past—he is a good guy, but he's still a—freakin'—insect!"_

Geppetto'sPOV

Insects! I was raised by fucking bugs! I think this was why I still find it incredibly easy to communicate and not be afraid of bugs.

I guess I'll never really know, but it still made me nervous.

The part of me that was Marco, found it disturbing that bugs seemed to be a natural part of my life.

That was until, the curse broke. Now that I know, and remember who I am.

The part of me that is Geppetto, knows it's just the way I've always been.

Jiminy and his family, were indeed as wonderful parents as they could be.

However, it was strange to Marco, the memories of Jiminy and his family.

The way Geppetto remembered perfectly, but it confused Marco indefinitely.

"Bugs!" I mutter as I work on yet another wood carving.

And to make it all worse, Jiminy is human now!

Here in Storybrooke with the rest of us.

He actually worked as the town therapist, which didn't surprise Geppetto .

Knowing him as well as he did, yet Marco could never truly open up to him.

Still, the whole bugs thing, depending on whose thoughts I was running through at the moment.

Either comforted or terrified me. I guess that was just the way it had to be.

_{A/N: Chapter 3 complete! Sorry it's so short, I wasn't sure what to do with it. Love ya, ~Jaded/V}_


	4. Chapter 4: Queen, Pet, Sex

**_{A/N: Chapter 4, of the "List" series! I hope you like it! Love ya, ~Jaded/V}_**

"The prompt for this one is: #8 The Huntsman Becomes The Evil Queen's Pet Sex Slave  
This is probably a dream come true for some, but think about it beyond, "Oooh, The Evil Queen is so hot!" What if the roles were reversed and it were a man forcing himself upon a captive woman anytime he wished? Unless you're depraved, you can see the horror in this situation."

Huntsman'sPOV

Being locked up, it wasn't so bad. Sure I wished for freedom everyday.

But the locked up part of this wasn't so bad. It's the sex that's bad.

The Evil Queen, while most days is as gracious a captor as can be, the sex truly is awful.

Tied up, with basically no free will or the power to make my own choices, while she does whatever she wants to me.

It's a living nightmare. Truly it is, yet somehow it's sometimes enjoyable.

I mean, who wouldn't enjoy being the sole sex seeker of the Queen?

True sometimes I wish I was free, and that I didn't have to be "at the ready" whenever she called upon me.

**_{A/N: This is so short, because I literally had NO ideas for this one! I swear there are ones I have the BEST ideas for! I just have to get through these ones to get to them. Love ya, ~Jaded/V}_**


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